Carling and minimum pricing – a load of balls?

July 27, 2009 at 22:32 (News commentary) (, , )

More condensed shite today from our friends at the Daily Nutcase.

They have taken time off from persecuting single mothers, asylum seekers and brown people to put together a piece of frolicking froth about Carling’s parent company Molson Coors wanting a minimum pricing regime for alcohol products in the UK.

Wonderful PR for the company – as it appears on face value that this selfless corporation with more money than God has decided to slice itself off from the supermarkets and other big breweries in a noble attempt to save the nation’s livers. There they are, shaking their head wistfully, muttering “it must be done”, before unzipping their trousers, dropping the under garments below and raising their butt cheeks in the air for a bit of firm regulation rogering. The message appears to be clear – Molson Coors is taking a big hard one for the team.

All very good … but unfortunately I smell the shit of bull. Leaving aside some of the dubious claims in the article (Molson Coors have been working with the BMA and the CMO have they? Methinks not sunshine…) the fact is that if this change was to be enacted it is extremely unlikely that Coors’ brands would be hit because if they were you could bet your left bollock Coors would be retracting their flies faster than you could say “profit warning ahoy”.

Although minimum pricing is a very vague proposal at the moment, the Government and the health professional lobby have made it clear they are targeting the tramp tipples – the low grade white lightening kind of affairs that really do sell at 50p a can and are the loss leaders for supermarkets and offies. They are not after the more medium to high end products or anything sold in pubs where breweries tend to snaffle up higher profit margins. After all politicans are not, contrary to popular opinion, morons, they know that there are votes in the aisles of Oddbins and Tescos.

A prime example is the 50p a unit proposal – all this would mean is that a pint would have to cost in your local the grand spanking total of at most  … erm, £2.50. Well, show me a collection of pubs that sells a pint for under £3 anywhere south of Doncaster and Ill show you a dancing gerbil that can give an elephant a blow job while doing the fandango.

Minimum pricing looks like it may well be headed this way as the political consensus is there and lets face it, its an easy policy to sell and implement. But will it stop 22 year old drinking themselves to death or indeed affect many people reading this page? Nope, it wont a single jot.

I have no problem with a serious debate about this issue – but can it please be conducted without the Mail giving an insincere brewery a hand shandy during the conversation?



  1. molamola said,

    Didn’t understood the last part :s could you explain better please?

    • pubguide said,

      Unfortunately its far too early in the morning for me to unpick a masturbation metaphor. Suffice to say I was pleading for a clear debate without journalists giving head to all and sundry because of their desire for a cheap sensationalist story.

      Yes, another sex metaphor.

      No, I don’t have a problem.

      Oh and thanks for the comment plus link to your music blog – cracking stuff.

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